Not Yet Arrived

16 Sep

This week I bought my plane ticket to move to Uganda for a year. I had been doing research for weeks. I am working on my responsible adult decision making, aren’t we all “working” on that? This isn’t the first time I have bought an international plane ticket so I was confident in my abilities to complete this seemingly simple task. I have a discount student website I love using. I have used them before. I felt capable, I was capable. But I wasn’t ignorant of the weight that this ticket possesses. It was the ticket that was going to take me away from my family and friends for a year, the ticket that was going to take me to the other side of the world for a year. The weight of the ticket felt heavy, so I had pushed it off. I had pushed it off so much so that some days I would go search the exact time and date just to stare at the exact ticket I knew I would be buying, the exact one way ticket to Uganda. Realizing that my return date was so far away that a round-trip ticket wasn’t possible.

I knew the ticket that I needed, I knew the flight number, I knew the departure time and the price, I had researched baggage fees and flight meals (yikes) but I had not yet clicked “Confirm Purchase”.  And then at 7am one morning this week, I sat in the Law School Library and instead of doing my Criminal Procedure reading I went to my discount student travel website. I knew I was ready. I felt confident in my research and plane ticket buying abilities, so I searched the ticket. I felt with every being in my bones that this was the right time, this ticket was mine—I was ready. In two short minutes, I had bought it. I had bought my one-way ticket to Africa.

And then my confidence came crashing down because in a moment of panic I realized I had bought the ticket for the wrong week. It was the same flight number, same departure time, same exact price, but one week too soon. I had bought a very expensive plane ticket to the other side of the world and it wasn’t even the one I needed.

And while the situation resolved undeservingly well—a quick chat with the helpful people at Student Universe and the ticket was switched without fee, I was slapped across the face with the biggest reminder—ALI, YOU HAVE NOT ARRIVED YET. I haven’t made it, I am not capable on my own.

We can feel prepared and do research and be “responsible adults” all day long but the moment we feel like “on my own I am good enough”, is the moment we buy ourselves one-way tickets to the other side of the world for the wrong week *speaking metaphorically*.  Where do you feel like you have arrived? Where do you have so much confidence in your own abilities that you forget who the real decision maker is?

I am overwhelmed by my need for God, I am grateful that I cannot do it on my own, I am thankful that He reminded me of that this week (and also that He did it in such a loving way, that had no financial repercussions). He is merciful, He loves us—but we cannot forget that we need him. We haven’t arrived yet, no matter how much education or money or time or power we possess-- we will never arrive, we are not meant to arrive. We are meant to RELY. And not on our own abilities but rely on the fact that our own abilities will never be enough, we will fail ourselves, we will fall short, we cannot do it alone. But we can walk forward in confidence, because even though we are not enough on our own God has supplied us with everything we need (2 Pet. 1:3). Rest in the fact that you have not arrived, rest in the fact that even though you have not arrived He is enough and He provides what you need for the journey.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26

September 16th, 2018 Update:

Days until I move: 135

Fundraising Completed: 28%

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